Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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