Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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