I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
