i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
