who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
