It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
