I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
