Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
