What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
