I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
