Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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