everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
