Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
