Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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