I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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