He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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