Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
