If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
