I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Life is so much better after having sex.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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