He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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