my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
