my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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