porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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