Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
