he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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