proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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