Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
