Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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