Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
