Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
