just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
