i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
