he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
