don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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