I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
