HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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