There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
this hospital has no fireball
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
