Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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