I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
