Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
