it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
