she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
