You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
