Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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