Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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