he thought i was a dude.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
