You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
