I cockslap morals
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
