I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
