I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
