guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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