She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
