im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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