I feel like abortions should bother me more
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
